Friday, February 11, 2011

I think I do my best thinking in the shower! LOL The gym had the launch of the foxy challenge tonite....i was sitting there on the floor next to me was this girl and she had a guide dog....and well he thought my legs were perfect substitutes for pillows lol very very cute pup :)

I think I have come to a conclusion why this whole "u may not get to the healthy weight range" and issue with my feet/legs has done my head in so much. After the foxy thing today i was thinking about goals for this 12 week period. Instantly I was thinking...ok to lose 6 kilos and get under 95 kilos...but theres a part of me that thinks now knowing that i may not get to the healthy weight range so i think oh i should focus on fitness or toning or whatever....but soon as i find myself steering away from focusing on a goal weight to something else....i feel like ive failed. For all my life when something has got hard i have quit...whether its ballet, year 12, work whatever. and this is the first time i have ever stuck at something...and i was proud of that and completely convinced i would make it to a healthy weight. Before i saw the doctor i had doubts i could get to a healthy i am struggling to even get under 100 kilos...and struggling even more with the concept of 9 days @ 1200 calories....and i didnt lose....makes no sense. But this was the first time I had saw something thru and i was so damn proud of my head is in a place of "when will i quit" i just dont have the confidence that i wont quit. Combine that with the frustration of my injuries/issues and its left me feeling "ugh". Today i did feel a lil more positive...and im trying to just focus on the foxy challenge to get my head in the right place. I just wanna snap my fingers and be focussed like I normally am. Food wise the last 4 days had been was much chocolate, chips, biscuits or quiche ;) I ate all good food.....only negative thing today was 2 diet cokes. So much better.

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