My head is in a very strange place at the moment. To explain...last november and december my weight fluctuated between 104.5 and 105.8 kilos. But it was the lead up to xmas so I wasnt too worried. Then 2 weeks ago I thought...need to get these losses moving so decided to follow the week plan of michelle bridges out of her crunch time book...the calories averaged about 1200-1300 calories per day. I enjoyed the variety and I could just tell that I seemed to be getting the right balance of the different food groups, I felt so confident thats when I had signed up for the 12WBT program. The first 5 days following that I lost 5 kilos...wahooo right? I was down to 100.2 kilos...just a sniff away from double digits. Then overnight I jumped up to 101.5 kilos...and since then I have been fluctuating between 101.2 and 101.5 kilos...in this time i have increased my water to a minimum of 3 litres per day (was concerned not enough water mite be the issue)...nope....Untill today I hadnt had chocolate for 2 weeks...I had been having 2-3 pieces of fruit per day...eating more vegies then normal and getting good dairy in. Yet it wouldnt budge. My calorie burn has increased from about 2500 calories per week to about 4000-4500 calories per week. Still I sit at this same weight.
Part of me thinks...its something about the double digits figure...is it a mental thing and my body is just not willing to get there? Cos lets face it I wouldnt be the fat girl then. Last nite out at dinner Jaimee asked if i was looking forward to climbing the harbor bridge...I told her I had two concerns...one was fitting into the jumpsuits you wear for the climb and then if they do fit me the next was I am worried about looking like the goodyear blimp in them. Jaimee turned around to me as said "you realise your normal size now dont you" ... i was like no im not....and i really dont think i am...i mean clothes can be a wonderful clamoflauge for our bodies...I tho do see myself naked (obviously) and so know im far from normal size....maybe my top half is normal but certainly the stomach/hips/thighs area isnt. But I think I have always thought under 100 kilos is normal...that the average person is prolly under 100 kilos. So if I am eating that 1200-1300 calorie mark...i am working out 4 days per week with a high calorie burn on those days (admittedly if i go by what michelle bridges says i should be exercising 6 days a week so I guess this is something I can be improving on) i should be losing. The simple mathmatics on it is if i am eating 1300 calories per day...take away BMR which puts me into -430 then add the calories burnt (averages out too 585 per day)...which gives me a deficit of over 1000 calories per day which means I theoretically should have lost 1 kilo this week...yet i have stayed the same. Do i weigh and measure everything? Yep i been a nazi on that for the last 2 weeks. The water has been there. Yes tho the calorie burn could be even higher if I did work out 6 days per week. Which I must admit makes me wonder about michelles eating plan...is it enough to sustain the exercise i do? I spoke to my slimcoach at the gym this week (as i am going to do the slim plan whilst doing the foxy challenge with using michelles menu plans as the basis for my eating plan - both are based on what the australian dieticians assoc recommend and my slimcoach has done 12WBT before and thinks i can work the eating plans parrallel...but she does feel my eating should be closer to 1500 calories...but i must admit if i am maintaining at 1300 calories im concerned about increasing to closer to 1500 calories.
Then a part of me thinks its time to step away from the scales. Maybe its just time to embrace the intentions i have .... not weigh daily...and just weigh once a week with eve. Maybe even saying to her dont tell me my weight...just keep me up to date with my body fat % and measurements. Or maybe no daily weighing and just weigh in once a week...follow the plan to the letter and see what unfolds on a weekly basis. Or should I just do 1500 calories per week...as per slim...incorporating michelles meal plans...and focus more on the exercise...maybe set some fitness goals? The only problem with this...while it to me seems quite a sensible approach...to me its a soft way of saying "i give up on weight loss" so instead of what i have been focussing on for 4.5 years....lets just switch my focus 90 degrees.
Its so strange that yesterday i was in a gorgeous dress and today im thinking "this aint working" (btw thx for all the real nice comments), if nothing else i guess this shows others my journey isnt perfect. I hear so often im a inspiration or whatever...and thats partly my fault cos i dont like putting it out there that i am struggling...gawd forbid that someone doesnt think i am perfect...but this journey has been far from perfect for me...if it was i would have been at goal within 18 months of joining weight watchers.